This Thanksgiving I spent time with my family at my sister's house in Lewiston, Utah. It was a nice low-key dinner, and on the drive up there and on the way home, I began thinking about the things that I really am thankful for. Though it would take too long to list everything, here are a few of the things that came to mind:
1-My Religion-being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is truly a wonderful blessing in my life. Because of my religious beliefs, I feel I have a strong understanding of who I really am. This life can be so confusing sometimes, with so many different entities clamoring for our attention and trying to persuade us to define ourselves a certain way, I am thankful for an understanding that I am a daughter of God. He knows who I am, He understands what I am going through, He knows what will bring true happiness to me in my life. Though sometimes it is easy to believe what many people in the world say about what is or is not true or important, I have found that I really am happiest when I spend time pondering my relationship with my Father in Heaven. Yes, there are some lifestyle restrictions associated with my religion. I don't drink alcohol. I don't have sexual relationships outside of marriage. I go to church almost every Sunday, I pray, I read the Bible and other revelations from God including the Book of Mormon. I live a lifestyle that is different than a lot of people my age throughout the world. But I am happy. I am confident. I know what to expect when this life is over, which makes me cherish and value the time I have here on earth. I believe that Jesus Christ is the son of God, that he is my Savior, that he can help me overcome my mistakes, and help me through any trial or hardship I may have to face, and this belief has made all the difference in my life.
2-My husband- I dated Lucien for one year and was only married to him for 8 months before he died, but the short time I was blessed to spend with him taught me so many things about life and love that continue to have a profound influence on me even now, more than 5 years after his death. Our 6 year wedding anniversary came and went about a week ago. Though I missed him terribly, I couldn't help but feel so thankful that I had the opportunity to experience with him some of the sweetest moments life has to offer. Before I met him it was as if I had been living life in grayscale, and when Lucien entered my life, suddenly his personality and his presence illuminated the world around me in such a way that I was able to see the vivid, bright colors that had been surrounding me all along, but were now enhanced and seemed so much more beautiful than before. There were so many things I experienced for the first time with him: Sushi, Virginia, Betos, a really good kiss, doing donuts in the church parking lot. After he passed away, part of me felt that all of those things had passed away with him. As more time has passed, and as I reflect more upon why it is that I loved him so much, and what it was that I loved, I realized that though I thought I was falling in love with him, he was really showing me how to fall in love with life. He showed me that life should be lived on purpose, that dreams can and should be achieved. When you long to soar above the clouds, you grab a plane by the yoke, spread your wings, and learn how to fly. There might be some strong headwinds. Your engine may stall. You may be forced to make a few bumpy landings. But all those things are part of what makes the moment that you break through the clouds that much more thrilling. When you look down below at all the things you've risen above, you realize that with enough persistence and the right equipment, life's gravity has had little power to hold you down. Though our dreams may not always play out exactly as we expect, we can still choose to make this life a unique and wonderful experience.
Though I sometimes wonder how I can ever love anyone as much as I loved Lucien, I know that there are still many more "firsts" to experience in life. Among other things, I've still never walked along a white sands beach, visited New York City, or held my own newborn baby. And there are plenty of sweet moments I would love to experience again, like waking up next to someone I truly love, laughing until my face hurts from smiling, and of course, a really really good kiss! ;-) Though I am sad that I can't experience all of these things with Lucien (at least in this life), I know that he wouldn't want me to not be able to experience these living jewels because of his absence. When the time is right and with the right person, I believe I will be able to open up my heart again to give and receive the kind of love that Lucien and I shared. But even if that never happens, I will consider myself one of the luckiest people in the world to have already had so many treasured moments. Many people go throughout their whole lives never knowing what it is like to really be loved. Now THAT would be a real tragedy.
3-My family-Though none of us are perfect by any definition, I must say that I do have a pretty good group of folks to call my own. We all have our own little quirks, but in all, I'm glad to be a part of this family. My parents are two of the sweetest people you'll ever meet. My brothers and sisters are all pretty well educated and pretty successful. We all have different personalities and different interests, but growing up and working together on our family farm has given us an understanding of each other that nobody else quite gets. And when I talk about loving my family, its not just my blood relatives either. My in-laws are pretty great too. I hear a lot of people complaining about their in-laws, but my sisters-in-law are two of my best friends, and my mother-in-law is one of the most caring people I know. Even though I don't get to see them as often as they or I would like, I'm thankful that we have been able to stay as close as we have even after Lucien's death. I read a quote recently that sums this all up pretty well: "Families are like fudge, mostly sweet with a few nuts!"
Anyway, there are plenty of other things I am thankful for and which I could expound upon, like my job, education, the country I live in, my dog, and chocolate, but even if I had nothing else than what I have listed above, I would consider myself one of the luckiest people in the world! Life is beautiful, isn't it?!
